Monday, September 22, 2008

What Happens When Moms Get Sick...

I have a horrible sinus infection and unrelenting morning sickness. I'm no wimp-I can handle one *OR* the other, but I feel (am I right?) that having to deal with both is just plain cruel!! At my midwife appointment last week I was shocked to see that I've lost 6 pounds...I can't wait until the nausea is gone!!

Okay here's what happens (in our house) when mommy is sick:

KIDS:
  • wake up at normal (or even earlier) time.
  • feel super--appear to have more energy than usual.
  • demand very complicated breakfast; refuse to eat it. Ask for more food 1/2 hour later.
  • decide to jump on couch (which I'm laying on, dying), build forts, drag every piece of clothing out of their dressers/closets, run outside, fall down in the mud, run back inside, slip on the tile, smear their hands on the walls and furniture, and get into a big fight.....all before 9 am.
  • Have huge appetite-any other day I'd have to beg them to eat- and want to eat every hour. (Did I mention the morning sickness and the mere mention of food sending me running for the toilet, garbage can, or sink??)
  • Refuse to nap. Color on refrigerator with sidewalk chalk instead.
  • Spend rest of the day making messes and fighting, and of course, eating.
  • Get a bath and fall peacefully asleep. Alternately wake up at all hours throughout the night because they can sense their mother desperately needs to rest.

Mom:

  • Wake up. Feel terrible.
  • Make it to the couch.
  • Watch helplessly as children wreak havoc on home.
  • Try to get up to stop the madness, sinus pressure making head implode so sit back down.
  • Decide enough is enough so take medicine.
  • Get stoned off of sadistic, mind-altering Tylenol sinus liquid. Feel eyelids being pulled shut by said medication...Pass out on couch amongst chaos.
  • Wake up, unaware of surroundings, and groggy from heinous cold meds.
  • Feel incredibly guilty that children are left to their own devices; really want to get up and do something with them. Again attempt to get up and be productive, stumble around pathetically, sit back down. Wimper.
  • Spend a lot of time between threatening kids with harm to be quiet and apologizing for being such an un-fun mommy.
  • Give up and call daddy at work. Beg him to come home.
  • Wait an hour. Call again. This time break out heavy artillery and use tears.

Dad:

  • Get phone call at work. Hear commotion in background. Decide work is more fun/less work. Stay there.
  • Get another, more urgent call. Wife crying--can't take it. Come home.
  • Walk in door and want to walk back out.
  • Take over kid-duty so wife can rest. Bother wife repeatedly for stupid stuff like, "Where's the remote?" and "What should I feed them?". Get locked out of room; try to find keys to get in, but even in sickness wife is smarter and already hid keys.
  • Sit on couch and watch TV while kids bang on bedroom door.

I do have to admit that after I came out of my room and made him feel guilty asked hubby nicely to take the kids outside he did let me sleep for an hour. When I woke up I still felt terrible, and I found the kids sitting in the bathroom sink (yes, BOTH of them on one sink!!). They had bubbles everywhere and the water was overflowed all over the counter, onto the floor, all the way to the carpet outside of the bathroom! I was too sick to get mad-I figured the floor needed to be mopped anyway. When I asked Sarah what they were doing she said, "Scrubbing hands!". Oh, okay. Of course I went looking for Rick after the mess was cleaned up and guess where he was-ON THE PHONE!! GRRRR!!!! MEN.

Anyway I am still sick, but today I don't have the horrendous morning sickness, even managed to eat a bowl of cereal. And I have to say that Rick really stepped up and cooked dinner last night, and even gave them a bath so I could shower by myself!! Still feeling guilty for not interacting more with the kids, but I know that once I feel better we'll do something really fun to make up for it. :)

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

~10 Signs You're a Mom~

10. You don't get annoyed by annoying toys. The noise just doesn't phase you. You can block anything out!!

9. You thoroughly enjoy and truly appreciate the gift of a complete shower (washing hair AND shaving--!!).

8. You know all the words to all the theme songs for shows such as SpongeBob, The Wiggles, and Curious George. Also, you are secretly frightened and/or creeped out by characters such as The Doodlebops, but you allow the children to watch because, well, the laundry has to get done sometime.

7. You talk about poop a lot.

6. It never fails that if you have an important call to make/receive (okay, scratch that-if you have ANY calls) that is the exact time the kids will morph into hungry, screaming creatures who cling to your leg while hollering like they're on fire. If you go outside for peace and quiet they will either lock you out or follow you. You can't win...make calls during naptime.

5. It is perfectly normal to forget what you were talking about halfway through a sentence. It may never come back to you. Ever.

4. Anytime you're out in public and one of the kids starts getting tired of running errands you'll do anything to keep them happy long enough to finish the task at hand. For example: Bursting into song at the supermarket or doing a jig at the bank...and not caring about the funny looks strangers give you.

3. Bribes, threats, begging...ALL acceptable means of getting children to behave.

2. You know that people who don't have kids know everything about child-rearing and you listen patiently to their "advice" and "wisdom" while your eyes glaze over. Then forget everything they said as soon as they're out of sight. Go back to tending to your out-of-control heathens.

And the top sign you're a mommy is:

1. Every once in a while you give your husband The Look, run into the bathroom where you have a stash of magazines and chocolate hidden, and enjoy your "free time"...when hubby comes to the door after 20 minutes to see if you're okay, you moan and say, "Ill be out soon..." That'll get you 10 more minutes.

Don't worry--any momma will agree that it's all worth it.........after they're tucked sound asleep in bed for the night, of course. ;)