Poop Fest 2009

Okay this happened a while ago, but I am just now getting around to writing about it:
I met Rick up at his work so we could go to lunch at McDonald's. We sat down in the restaurant and I heard the tell-tale super loud noises coming from Luke's diaper so I waited a few minutes and walked to the car to change him. Figuring all was well since I waited the few minutes that it normally takes a newborn to finish pooping, I plopped him on the front seat and went to work.

Now being the seasoned mom that I am I already had the wipes lined up and the new diaper under the one about to be taken off. What could go wrong? Lots of things, my friends...lots of things...So there I was innocently unfastening the diaper when out of nowhere came this explosion-I mean I didn't have time to react at all, just BAM-poop squirting towards me at lightning pace. After 3 kids I had NO IDEA poop could travel at that rate of speed. None of it, and I mean NONE of it got on either of the diapers...it all landed directly on my (white) t-shirt.

So of course I had to laugh, I mean it was funny. I was literally coated from chest to naval in yellow mustard-y stuff. No problem, I'm no rookie. I know that you always need to have a change of clothes for yourself as well as the baby with you at all times in the car. So I checked the diaper bag-What!? No shirt!? I guess I should have checked the bag before the poop emergency. DOH!

I have to admit that if this had happened with my first I would have cried, then drove home so no one would ever know that I was covered in baby poop. If it had happened with the second I would have gone to Wal-Mart across the street and bought a new shirt so no one would ever know that I was covered in baby poop. Now that I have 3 I'm not sure if it is out of laziness or not having any shame left, but I just tucked a cloth diaper in my shirt collar like I was a 5 year old at a BBQ and walked into McDonald's to eat my double cheeseburger, not caring at all if anyone knew I was covered in baby poop.

Baby News!!

We finally had our new baby-Luke...just like his daddy and late for everything, even his own birthday. He was due March 30th and showed up April 7th.

Here's my birth story:
My midwife wanted me to come in Wednesday, April 8th at 9 am to break my water and get labor started. Actually, labor had started, but I am slow. :) Fine by me-as much as I can get done without feeling pain is wonderful! Anyway on Monday night (April 6th) Patrick decided to wake up at 1 am and not go back to sleep until 5 am. I had a gut feeling that I would have the baby the following day-that's just how my life works! :)

So Tuesday I decided to clean the house one more time and get all the laundry done; basically make sure I was as prepared as I could be for the new arrival. That afternoon I called Rick and asked if he could come home a little early because I was very uncomfortable and tired. I was not in pain, but I was extremely irritable and just felt worn out. Rick was off work on Monday and Tuesday and volunteered to work at the store in Live Oak on Tuesday since they are short-handed and need help. I thought that was incredibly stupid seeing as I was already a week overdue, but that's what he wanted to do so.......He got a phone call to come home!

He got home an hour early and we continued our nightly routine (getting the kids fed, bathed, and ready for bed). At 7 pm I put Patrick in bed (he was tired from being up most of the night before), and at 7:15 I came out of the bedroom and told Rick I was getting into the bath to relieve my discomfort-I had a lot of pressure and mild-what I thought were more Braxton Hicks-contractions. As soon as I got into the bath I asked Rick to bring me my cell phone so I could call my midwife-all of a sudden I had a ton of painful pressure and hard contractions. By 7:30 I was out of the tub and trying to crawl around the house getting dressed and ready to leave for the hospital. I told Rick, "Unless you want me to have the baby in the tub we need to leave NOW!"

So we left and arrived at the hospital at 8:45. My midwife helped me undress and checked me; by that time I was in extreme pain and she told me to go ahead and push if I wanted to. Two pushes later Luke Andrew was born with his cord wrapped very, very tightly 3 times around his neck. It was too tight for the midwife to be able to unwrap it so she had to get him out as soon as possible. She yanked him hard and kept telling me to push harder. She plopped him on my chest and said, "Sorry, Dad" and cut the cord herself. A respiratory therapist took the baby away and went to work on him-he was completely blue and gray and struggling to make a noise.

I wasn't scared until then-I had no clue he was in trouble because my midwife is awesome and didn't panic or make me nervous at all. I didn't get to hold my little guy for an hour and a half-it was torture because he was right there, but I couldn't touch or see him. Finally they let me have him and he took to breastfeeding like he'd done it a hundred times. He was perfectly fine-the only thing wrong with him was the bruising from trying to strangle himself. We came home less than 24 hours after we got there and I am still totally in love and baby mooning.

I keep waiting for him to become more difficult like Patrick was, but he hasn't yet-he sleeps through the night and hardly ever cries. He's awesome!! Sarah and Patrick had very different reactions to Luke-she loves to hold him and help change his diaper and things like that; he is jealous and tries to push him off of our laps.

Welcome to the world Luke!

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

9:17 pm

9 pounds, 21 1/2 inches

Dark hair and blue eyes like mommy! :)

Why I Hate Shopping

Our last trip to Wal-Mart as a family of four:

We got there and put the kids into a cart together (first mistake). Then we went past the toy aisle (second mistake) and had to give them each something that we had no intention of buying to bribe them into being good.

When we made it to the food section I realized I meant to pick up some Gatorade for Rick so I told him I'd be RIGHT BACK (third mistake) and walked back about 7 aisles to get it. On the way back I could hear my kids hollering, laughing, fighting. I started walking faster cause I could tell it was about to get out of control unless mommy or daddy stopped whatever was going on.

They were at the opposite end of the frozen food aisle and as I turned that way two men passed by me and I overheard them say, "If those were my kids I'd beat their [butts]." Obviously I acted like I had no idea who those bad kids were and pretended to be debating between curly or straight fries. After the guys passed I jogged down the rest of the way to see what the commotion was over and there is my useless unobservant husband standing with the freezer door open, staring blankly into the cold while my daughter was screaming, "OH NO!! DAAAAAD-DEEE!!!", and my son was sitting with a tub of butter between his legs, plastic seal pulled back, scooping it out and eating it by the handful. Ummm, HELLO? I can't even go get a forgotten item without chaos ensuing? The funniest part is Rick insists on tagging along to "help" me. HAHAHA.

Things You Never Thought You'd Have To Say:

~Don't put the cat in the toilet/oven/hot tub.

~Don't eat that if it came out of the trash can.

~The closet rod is for hanging clothes, not gymnastics.

~Thank you for not pooping on the floor.

~It's 30 degrees outside; you're not wearing a swimsuit.

~All I want is 5 minutes of quiet! (Followed 15 minutes later by:)

~WHY is it so quiet in here!? (They were putting make up on each other.)

~You can't play in the fireplace.

~If you flush one more toy down the toilet I'm throwing them all away.

~I'm glad that you're working together, but someone is going to get hurt. (In regards to scaling the sides of the bunkbeds with yarn. Sarah volunteered to hold the yarn and watch unsuspecting Patrick plummet to the ground from the top. These are not average bunkbeds-they are HUGE.)

~How does the remote keep winding up in the bathtub?

~Why are you naked AGAIN?


This was just today. It's 3 in the afternoon. I may be adding to this list.................

Baby Update

On Tuesday I had a 4D ultrasound because I have never had one before and I wanted the experience. Rick was not too excited because as he put it, "You're going to see him in a couple of months-why do we need to spend all this money now?" It was expensive, and even though money is tight for us just like it is for everyone else, we have justified spending money before on other things that I have thought were unnecessary so why can't I have something?


Anyway I loved it, and I even got Rick to admit it was (mostly) worth the money. Not so much seeing what our baby looks like (after all, we WILL be seeing him in 11 weeks!), but seeing what he's up to in there, the expressions that he makes, you know-basically what life is like for him in the womb. He was moving all around, giving the tech quite a hard time getting good shots, and we found out he was breech at that moment-I never would have figured that out since he is so very active. He feels like he's all over the place, and I can't ever tell which position he's in. We got to see him open his eyes (looks more like a slit versus wide open like out-of-the-womb eyes), take a drink of yummy amniotic fluid, and yawn. Of course I have to share some of the photos cause he is just too cute to keep all to myself: In this first one (on the right) he has his arm/hand up the side of his face; he's kind of resting on it. His foot is sticking up touching his nose. (I couldn't do that if my very life depended on it!)

His profile:



A yawn (must be tired from being up flip-flopping ALL NIGHT LONG...)

His momma's little nose and a perfect hand:


So now when my guy is moving around and giving me heartburn, or when I see the horrid varicose vein on my leg, or when I'm up every hour to pee I can picture him in there and it helps me not to care so much about the discomforts. Not that I wasn't excited/happy before, but feeling like I know him so much more because I can picture him in there is really cool! I always secretly thought women who paid $$ to have these ultrasounds were kind of lame, but now I totally get it!! It was an amazing experience!

The tech said she was surprised how active he stayed the entire time-he never settled down, and despite all the movement we never got a full front view of his face. At least there's still some element of surprise for when he's born. He also hid the frank and beans, but we are 100% sure he's a he so that's okay.

Of course we had big brother and sister there with us. Yeah, that was fun. I thought at least Sarah would be interested in seeing what was going on inside my tummy, but she really didn't care, or didn't understand, or both. Instead she was interested in jumping from the bed onto the adjacent couch to the floor. Patrick was pretty good until he started crying and trying to escape the room. Poor Rick had to leave and hang out in the car for the rest of the session, but at least I got a DVD recording so he watched it at home while I tried to remember everything the tech described (hey some of those body parts look a lot a like!).

I will be 29 weeks on Monday which means I am running out of time to get everything done. You'd think with having kiddos already there wouldn't be too much to prepare, but really there is. I still don't have Patrick in his new room-he doesn't even have any furniture, just the new carpet, blinds, and fresh paint. Also I was hoping to get all my pictures in albums to make room in our closets. I am nesting for the first time in my life (never had that with the other two) and I do not like it! It would be different if I could actually get things accomplished, but what happens is I get distracted while doing a normal, everyday chore, such as vacuuming. Okay so I'm vacuuming and I'll notice the baseboards are filthy. So I bust out the Magic Eraser and start cleaning the baseboards. Then while I'm scrubbing those the grime on the walls becomes apparent so I have to clean them. This will take hours so I'll set the kids up with a tea party or with playdough or something to keep them busy which, of course, leads to another huge mess that I then have to clean. My point is: nesting is BAD because in order to accomplish the insane cleaning I neglect the normal, day-to-day things that HAVE to be done, which leaves the house looking horrible and ultimately leads to way more work. So I have all these ideas in my head of things I want to tackle (the utility room, the kitchen cabinets, the closets), but the reality of life with two very active young children prevents me from being able to do any of it. IT IS LITERALLY DRIVING ME NUTS. I can't stand the filth, but I can't get it cleaned either. AAAGGHHHHH!!!!

*BAD Weekend*

Sigh. I don't even know where to start...I guess the beginning!!

I am not yet to the point that enough time has gone by that I can make this humorous. I usually try to see the funny side to keep my sanity and keep things in perspective, but I honestly can't do that right now.

On Saturday I was putting dinner in the oven at 3 pm (it was pork roast so it had to go in early). I was on the phone with my best friend, and after this...incident...happened I checked my phone and it was seriously less than 5 minutes. Okay after I put dinner in there were a few dishes that needed to go in the dishwasher so I did that. I realized that I could hear faded shrieks of pleasure from the kids and I immediately knew something was terribly, horribly wrong. So phone still at my ear I went to investigate. We have a large family room that we are in the process of turning into Patrick's room so the new baby can have the nursery. There are french doors that close it off from the living room where we spend our time. The doors were closed and I opened them to find Sarah throwing fistfuls of paint onto Patrick's head. I panicked for a moment-frozen in a state of "What should my next move be?" shock.

Let me explain-this was not a little bit of Crayola finger paint. No, no...it was a can of wall paint-the kind that is virtually IMPOSSIBLE to remove from carpet. The kind that is permanent, forever. We bought 3 cans (it's a BIG room) and had them sitting on the desk. The room is empty except the desk and a recliner. The kids climbed on the desk and pushed the can of paint onto the floor. Sarah told me she then jumped on it (from the desk), but my hubby believes-and who am I to correct him?-that it busted open when it hit the floor. So within 3-4 minutes a can of paint is covering the center of the room, splatter marks are all the way to each wall-to the door, on the recliner. The kids had it in their hair, ears, up their noses, under finger & toenails...everywhere. These pictures do NOT do the mess justice. The camera didn't pick up the splatters and the sheer fact that it's the ENTIRE can of paint!! When I took the photos I was thinking, "If I ever get this cleaned up at all I will have proof that it was much worse and Rick won't kill me". I even had to use Magic Eraser on the tub to get all the residue out.




















My first move was throw the kids in the tub cause obviously the paint would have just gotten on even more parts of the house with them running around like that. So I had no choice but leave the paint soaking in the carpet while I cleaned up those children. I am not sure if I was doing something wrong, but I scrubbed those kids until they cried that I was hurting them and they still had paint on their scalps and hair. After they were (for the most part) clean I put them on the couch in front of the TV and Googled how to get a can of paint out of carpet. The results did NOT look good for me. Not one website said it would come completely out, but a few promised it would not be too noticeable. I will spare you all the details, but after more than 2 1/2 hours of cleaning (I called my best guy friend, who is also my neighbor, and he brought a second shop vac and was in there helping me) the only difference was that we salvaged some of the paint.


My kids have made a lot of messes, but nothing has come close to this. The damages add up to about $2,000. not to mention the can of paint cost about $50.


THEN...On Sunday I was cleaning Sarah's room. I was in there for a while, but not that long. I came out and saw this:















Don't be alarmed: No one was shot. I was looking for the phone to call 911 until Sarah handed me the (EMPTY) Hershey's strawberry syrup container. Patrick had gotten into the refrigerator and dumped out the bottle. THANK YOU GOD, most of it was on tile, but there was a bit on the carpet. Have I mentioned yet that we had the floors professionally steam cleaned on Wednesday?? There's another hundred bucks wasted.



FINALLY today (Monday) Patrick woke up from a very, very restless night at 5:40. At 5:50 I was yelling for Rick and we were frantically pulling warm clothes on and getting Sarah dressed. Off to the ER!! My little guy was watching TV so intently he fell off the side of the couch onto the brick fireplace. His head split open and blood was everywhere, carpet not excluded. (Rick is still refusing to tile the entire house...) I was soooo upset-we arrived at the ER at Lake Shore (I absolutely HATE that hospital, which is why I travel an hour to Gainesville to have my babies) around 6:15. At 7:45, my son's head still open and bleeding, Rick grabbed us all up and we walked out. We went to the other facility across town and an hour and 10 minutes later my baby boy had 6 stitches in his forehead. They made me leave so Sarah wouldn't be terrified. It took 30 minutes to sew him up and they had him strapped to a hard board with velcro. I was crying right along with him. The doctor said to expect him to literally pass out afterwards from the trauma, and he did. I held him in my arms on the way home and he slept for an hour and a half in my bed. If you know my Patrick--this NEVER happens. So my lil man had his fist major accident. :( The doctor said, "It's a boy thing-you'll be here again"...Like that's supposed to make me feel better!? The stitches look much, much better than the wound did-it was sooo deep. Umm, I won't describe it I guess, but take my word for it-it was nasty. He has to go back after Thanksgiving to have them out, and he's being referred to a plastic surgeon cause there's no way it will heal up nicely. Anyway here's my baby Frankenstein:

I just don't understand what I am doing wrong? I know kids get into trouble and mess things up...But c'mon-from reading this I must sound like a complete degenerate, unfit mother! I PROMISE I wake up in the morning, every morning, planning that today will be different...and it never is! I spend time with them, we play, we go to the park, we have playdates and lots of friends. What is going on here!? I could understand if I left them alone so I could get my nails done, or if I was doing drugs or something, but NO-I make dinner and clean the house.....Grrrr. Sorry for the rant-I'm tired.



Tomorrow will be different! Right?

~Bathroom Fun~

I am not sure why, but the bathroom seems to be the single most attractive room in the house to my kiddos. It has progressed from just wanting to be at my feet while I was in there to locking themselves in that room for fun. Almost everyday I find myself banging on the door issuing ultimatums to get them out. Normally I would be thankful for the few minutes of peace, but here are a couple of reasons why it's just not worth it anymore:
The bath foam somehow exploded and it was shooting from the top of the canister all over everything. I have tried to do this myself to see exactly what went wrong, and I could not get the same results. Leave it to Sarah & Patrick to figure it out. If only they could use their evil genius to do good?

Another prime example of why the bathroom is off limits:

I admit this was mostly my fault; I selfishly walked outside to switch over the laundry and stayed out there for extra minutes just to be alone. When I came back inside I noticed it was too quiet, but it took me longer than normal to investigate. My favorite part of this clean-up was the toothpaste crammed in the grout on the floor. I'm not sure how it got there since he was on the counter, but it did.

My suggestion for getting a toothpaste/lotion combo out of your grout is soak it with water and use an old toothbrush to lift it out. Trust me: any paper product will not work!! You'll be amazed how clean the floor looks after scrubbing it-I was tempted to go ahead and do the rest of the floor, but I decided against it so we now have a section that is noticeably clean and new-looking.

Also, PatPat smelled minty-fresh for hours and hours after this incident so all was not lost. :)

After being a mom of 2 for over 2 whole years now I finally figured out how to go to the bathroom without having the kids tear up everything while I helplessly sit there. My bottom drawer is filled with "forbidden" items that I really don't care if they play with at all (empty travel-sized shampoos, Q-tips, etc). They get to think they're getting away with something, and I get to well, you know.