If You're Not a Gator...Your Gator Bait!

Yesterday since the hubs was off work we decided to bring some lunch to the playground we frequent and spend some time together.  After we enjoyed lunch and played for a bit we headed over to the edge of the playground and walked around while the kids inspected sticks, rocks, and bugs.  They destroyed a couple of ant hills and watched the chaos ensue.  Eventually we made our way to the other side of the parking lot (which is not far from where we started by any means).

Hubby and I were chatting and watching the kids as they ran around the water.  Luke spotted a bird in the grass, wings spread open and sun-bathing.  He ran to try to capture it (yes, he honestly believes he will catch the things he goes after).  Sarah was climbing on a fence, and Patrick started running laps around the water, which is exactly what he always does.  In fact, the three usually have races around the water.

This time, as Patrick was running I saw him looking rather happy...then confused as he slowed to a jog...then wide-eyed as he came to a stop...then he turned around and ran back towards me.  Then in an alarmingly non-chalant way, my son shouts to me as he is running at full-speed, "Alligator."  My husband-at the EXACT same moment- said in an equally blase tone, "Oh, that's an alligator."

HELLO!?  Yes, we are desensitized to alligators because we are from Florida, but Come. On.  Patrick was literally within farting distance of that gator.  If not urgency, then at least a little pep in your voices, please.

Naturally I had to see for myself, and sure enough-alligator.  I really wish I had a way of conducting an informal poll...I'm curious to see how many others this has happened to.  You know, playing at the local playground and-whoops-stumble across an alligator.

Why I Do Not Bank at Bank of America

I am not a Bank of America customer.  Earlier this year we cashed some old savings bonds at one of their banks and I don't recall receiving a 1099 for our taxes so I had to call the branch to ask for guidance.  They gave me the 800 number to call.  My phone now says "29:13"...and counting.

So to benefit anyone else whom may find themselves on the crooked-neck side of the "hold" button, I decided to do a public service and compile a list.

Things to do While on Hold With Bank of America (...or Anyone Else)

• File your nails.  Actually-go ahead and give yourself a full-blown manicure...you'll have time.
• Sort through your junk mail.  Stand back.  Admire your work.
• Pay bills
• Write thank you notes that you've been meaning to get to, but never seem to find the time
• Clean the bathroom.  This is especially nice if you have boys...or just one very shy, extremely modest boy whom freaks out if his sister opens the door on him while he's peeing.  Cause then he will panic, causing the stream of urine to shoot all over the wall, into the garbage can, and flood the floor surrounding the toilet.   
• Write a blog post

If you feel you have been productive enough and your house has been straightened up, or if you simply have a life outside of waiting for Bank of America to answer your damn call, then I have the secret to getting a REAL, LIVE person to answer!  Just send $10 to the address below and I will share this secret with you!

Just kidding-I will divulge for free.  The only way to ever speak to a person and be taken off hold is to yell loudly at your children.  Don't fret-if it doesn't work immediately, just get more loud and sprinkle a profanity in there somewhere.  A service representative really WILL be with you if you follow my directions.  And then when they finally pick up you will not only look like a maniac, but also like a dementia patient because you've been on hold so freakin long you forgot what you were calling about in the first place.

Good luck and happy holding!   

(...43:17...)