Friday, February 3, 2012

Why I Do Not Bank at Bank of America

I am not a Bank of America customer.  Earlier this year we cashed some old savings bonds at one of their banks and I don't recall receiving a 1099 for our taxes so I had to call the branch to ask for guidance.  They gave me the 800 number to call.  My phone now says "29:13"...and counting.

So to benefit anyone else whom may find themselves on the crooked-neck side of the "hold" button, I decided to do a public service and compile a list.


Things to do While on Hold With Bank of America (...or Anyone Else)

  • File your nails.  Actually-go ahead and give yourself a full-blown manicure...you'll have time.
  • Sort through your junk mail.  Stand back.  Admire your work.
  • Pay bills
  • Write thank you notes that you've been meaning to get to, but never seem to find the time
  • Clean the bathroom.  This is especially nice if you have boys...or just one very shy, extremely modest boy whom freaks out if his sister opens the door on him while he's peeing.  Cause then he will panic, causing the stream of urine to shoot all over the wall, into the garbage can, and flood the floor surrounding the toilet.   
  • Write a blog post
If you feel you have been productive enough and your house has been straightened up, or if you simply have a life outside of waiting for Bank of America to answer your damn call, then I have the secret to getting a REAL, LIVE person to answer!  Just send $10 to the address below and I will share this secret with you!




Just kidding-I will divulge for free.  The only way to ever speak to a person and be taken off hold is to yell loudly at your children.  Don't fret-if it doesn't work immediately, just get more loud and sprinkle a profanity in there somewhere.  A service representative really WILL be with you if you follow my directions.  And then when they finally pick up you will not only look like a maniac, but also like a dementia patient because you've been on hold so freakin long you forgot what you were calling about in the first place.

Good luck and happy holding!   
(...43:17...)

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